When I practiced law some years ago I worked (briefly) with another lawyer who cheerfully told people across the bargaining table “I will screw you if I can.”  He meant it; he enjoyed hurting folks, and constructed clever ways to set them traps, paying as much attention to this bizarre goal as serving his clients’ interests.  I did not think it served his clients well.

As kids, we all learned to negotiate.  Of course the goals were simple—like staying up an extra hour, or getting dessert without eating vegetables.  In business, the objectives are more complex.  Moreover, parents and teachers say or imply that trying to negotiate is somehow disreputable.  The  result is many people losing or even giving up the ability to negotiate, or becoming fearful about it.

Thus for a many reasons—conditioning by parents and teachers, lack of experience, general self-doubt, thinking the other person is smarter—we often panic when we need to negotiate.  And we need to almost every day.  Obviously, if you are going to do a deal with an outsider to your business, you negotiate.  OK, a bag of concrete is six bucks at the Building Depot and the clerk will not deal even if the bag is ripped, but usually there is room for negotiation.

So, many people assume the best way to handle this difficult task is to become puffed up like a cat in a fight and be tough.  This is euphemistically called either “hard-nosed bargaining” or “win-lose negotiation” (I win while she loses).  Either way, it is not pretty and not effective in the end.

To get to win-lose, all you need do is be a constant SOB, refuse all concessions, insult the person across the table and wear her down with threats and insults.  Or you can make quiet, unctuous threats.   Eventually the lady across the table may do anything to get away from the table, like sell the building at half its worth.  What is wrong with that?

First, she is probably not going to put up with that very long, and may see it just as a strategy.  She will doubt anything you say.  Moreover, this will be a long process – and she may walk out. 

Still, it is worse than that.  You make it difficult ever to do business again.  (You know: repeat business is the best business for buyer and seller.)  What if you don’t plan to do more business, you just want to get as much as you can this one time?  Trouble is, you never know, so why burn bridges?  It takes more out of you to be difficult and deceitful, and lying during dealing may expose you to expensive lawsuits.  Win-lose is display without substance, like a Hollywood set with a fancy front but nothing behind it.

Experienced, successful negotiators do win-win or win plus – win.  They rely on advance preparation, finding out the other side’s real needs and trying to meet them, and setting a walk-away position before entering the emotional turmoil of a bargaining session.  You might want to try these.

Win-win negotiation helped the U.S. in the First Gulf War.  Saddam, Hussein made it clear that if a war started he would attack Israel with Scud missiles, and Israel made it equally clear they would respond with their own, more accurate ones, perhaps with nuclear tips.  That would rock the coalition of Arab nations lined up against Saddam, because they could not handle Israel shooting at other Arabs, even if they started it.  The U.S. worked a win-win deal.  Israel promised not to use their missiles, while we gave them Patriot defense missiles and, even better, assigned a large force of troops and attack helicopters to seek and kill or harass the mobile Scud launchers.  Win-win worked.

Copyright © 2004

Phil Marcus is a consulting negotiator and business growth consultant, and founder of The Negotiation Pro in Columbia, Maryland.  Write info@NegotiationPro.com or call 301-498-4766.

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